First things first……
What is the meaning of “Putting people on a pedestal”?
I’m going make this as easy as possible, even for someone who has never heard of the word “Pedestal”.
The red arrow is pointing to the red carpet which the lady is walking on
When you put someone on a pedestal, it means that you’re treating them in a special manner either because of how they present themselves or because of who you think they are to you.
Some people don’t like being over praised
Putting someone on a pedestal doesn’t just mean exaggerating their good qualities. It also involves attributing characteristics that they don’t even have and being blind to their weaknesses. Instead of seeing a flawed human, you consider your partner perfect, infallible, and superior (to you and everyone else). The problem is that you become vulnerable to that person’s personal decisions.
Our guardians play a big role in what kind person we evolve to be
Most people fantasize about other people because they have lived under narcissistic people in their past.
Who is a narcissistic person?
Narcism is a disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.
A lady who receives compliments from so many people is likely to have a fake rainbow life
If you were raised by a narcissist, then you were taught to put them on a pedestal. Full stop. That’s just how narcissistic parents raise their kids.
Surprise! There’s just one teensy, weensy little problem with that. Yes, just one, but not as small as it sounds.
You may, unconsciously, keep putting everyone on pedestals, even after growing up and moving on. It’s your modus operandiand, take it from me, it’s a very unhappy way to live. Worse still, because your parents overly or covertly taught you to put them up on pedestals, you never learned to be savvy about people. You don’t possess that moxie that alerts you when someone has ulterior motives. We just don’t see the game-playing going on because your entire upbringing and all your relationships were just one long game. This makes you and I “sitting ducks” for every user, every game-player, every abuser, every alcoholic, anyone who wants to exploit us.
Let me explain.
Like all children, I naturally put my parents way up on marble pedestals. But the narcissism in the home exacerbated their elevation in my mind. Where other kids are aware of their parents’ character flaws, I ignored my parents’ faults and foibles, blindly clinging to parent-worship. Where a normal family tolerates each other’s faults and foibles with a wink and a chuckle, narcissists demand to be taken dead seriously at all times. And where most kids kick their parents off the pedestal during their teenage years, I never did.
Heck! To be honest, they wouldn’t have allowed it. Nor would they have tolerated being treated with a grain of salt, a wink or a chuckle. Every word a narcissist speaks must be taken as Gospel. Every exploitation ignored as we blindly trust their convoluted motives. Every temper tantrum regarded as serious, something we caused, our fault.
How does putting people on pedestals affect your romantic and all other relationships?
As I grew up, I found myself to be the kind who believes that someone else is ALWAYS supposed to set the mood for the day. For example, I always believed that my time at school was more valuable when I spent it with my friends, but sadly I didn’t perform well in class because of that bandwagon mentality. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t fail because of my friends, I performed poorly because I was always trying to impress them. I never had the ability to say NO when they wanted help from me, yet most of them would deny me without thinking twice.
People also put the deceased on pedestals even if they did bad things
Later on, I am finally 18 and romantic desires for more females kick in (not forgetting the fact that I always feared approaching girls throughout high school). I hadn’t gone out on dates before, not because I decided, but because I had both the fear of rejection and the reputation of having sex with several people. I didn’t see the bigger picture though, something bigger than rejection and naughtiness – INSECURITY. Yes, it is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
At first, you feel like you love the other person so much that you could do anything to keep them, but later you realize you actually don’t have them. People, especially females recognize this very fast and they’ll immediately start treating you less than a human. It’s an illusion to think that someone means everything to you, but it’s not easy to escape either way. You raise the other person’s value when you try to impress them while they treat you averagely or less.
Many girls in this era actually enjoy sleeping around
Whatever you do, just stop treating anyone so preciously; let them find a reason for themselves to reach out to you.
If you too were raised in a narcissistic family structure ask yourself these questions:
Can I speak the word “no” outloud?
Am I terrified of everyone? Am I too scared to ask questions?
Do I recognize game-playing when it happens?
Do people often take advantage of me?
Am I carrying other people’s workload at the office?
Is my “hero worship” making my relationships difficult?
Do I take everyone deadly seriously?
Do I often/always ignore my gut intuition about other people?
Did my parents elevate themselves and denigrate everyone else?
If someone loves you, they’ll tell you if you’re over praising them
If those ten things are going on, watch out! You may have everyone in your life up on pedestals and that dynamic may be screwing up every single relationship in your life…parents, spouse, co-workers, friends, relatives, neighbors.
Lower those pedestals…all the way down to ground level. Listen to your intuition. Develop some savvy, learn to use your moxie. You won’t be taken advantage of anymore. Your relationships (at least, with non-narcissists) will be much more relaxed, more playful, less serious and dour. Take it from me, you’ll have a much happier, easier life!
A healthy relationship is the “Equal” one
May God bless you and I hope this article has given you insight and a new perspective on how you can coexist with the different dynamic and rigid people.
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